Monday 26 October 2009

Finding God in Gay Lovemaking

An Erotic Encounter With the Devine” is the title of a post by Eric L. Hays-Strom at "Jesus in Love". In his post, he has a moving account of how deliberate prayer immediately before making love with his husband has led to intensely spiritual experiences – especially on one notable occasion in particular.


It would be unfair to copy too much of this personal story here, but some things are worth noting. Eric’s journey in combining the sexual and the spiritual came after listening to some tapes prepared by Michael B Kelly, who is a noted spiritual director and writer, specialising in the contribution that gay men’s erotic experiences can give to the the church’s fuller understanding of spirituality:
..we discovered a tape series about spirituality and sexuality, “The Erotic Contemplative” by Michael Bernard Kelly. I was immediately intrigued. On our two-ay drive home from Los Angeles to Omaha, we started listening to the tapes and discussing the questions that came in a guide with the tapes. It was probably amongst the most intimate conversations of sex, sexuality and spirituality I have ever had.
…..

Through the years our lovemaking has risen to an entirely new level when we intentionally invite God to be present to and with us. That is, when we prayerfully invite God’s Divine Presence to bless our lovemaking and to join with us in our lovemaking.
In my blog (
http://scottneric.com/ontheroad) I have written about several experiences in my life in which I have known God’s presence, either as God or in the person of Jesus or of the Holy Spirit. So, in my own heart, and in my own soul, I know what the ecstatic experience of the Divine is like.

…..
(Here Eric recounts a particularly intense experience. To read it in the original, go to An Erotic Encounter With the Devine at Jesus in Love).

This is an important experience, and not uncommon. It gives the lie to official teaching, as do all other such experiences. If we are able to find God in our lovemaking, how can it possibly be wrong? (Michael B. Kelly is collecting personal stories of these kind of stories as part of his research for his doctoral degree in spirituality and gay men's erotic experiences. I again urge anyone who has such stories to tell, to share them with Michael. I know he will them most useful.)

Further reading:

Homoerotic Spirituality

The Intimate Dance of Sexuality and Spirituality

Come Out, stand Proud. ( The Catechism Commands It)


Chris Glaser: Coming out to God

Chris Glaser: Coming Out as Sacrament

Daniel Helminiak: Sex and the Sacred

Michael B. Kelley: Seduced by Grace

John McNeill: Sex as God Intended

P Sweasey: From Queer to Eternity


Sunday 25 October 2009

The Intimate Dance of Sexuality and Spirituality


I would expect that most of my lesbian & gay readers have known the liberating growth experience of coming out: at least to themselves and to close friends, or (where realistically appropriate), to family and colleagues. But how many, I wonder, have found the even greater joy of coming out to God? I mean here not just superficially, but fully and frankly, taking your sexuality deep into your prayer life, giving thanks for the joys and satisfactions, even the exhilaration of orgasm; sharing the pain of the frustrations and disappointments; even building the Lord into your sexual fantasies, or turning your fantasies into prayer?


This appears to be heretical, sacrilegious, but is not. It is an old idea, going back at least to the Song of Songs, and to the great mystics: St John of the Cross, St Theresa of Avila and Julian of Norwich. Modern writers who have discussed this idea from a gay perspective include Daniel Helminiak, Michael B Kelly and John McNeill. (Jim Cotter and Jack Dominian are just two I know of who have done so from a more traditional heterosexual perspective).

Now I have come across another who has done so directly – Chris Glaser, who has put together a prayer collection under the title “Coming Out to God.”




I first heard of this book when it was recommended to the congregation by the celebrant during Sunday Mass - so it has the warm approval of at least one Catholic priest in good standing. Looking into it, I was particularly impressed by the powerful and moving writing of the introduction.

Glaser shares with us his own early struggle, torn between his innate sexuality and spirituality, which he believed, like most Christians, to be in some kind of conflict. Using a striking metaphor, picturing each of these two as strangers wary of each other at a dance, he tells how they first put out tentative feelers, then began cautiously to dance, each struggling for dominance and attempting to lead – before finding true partnership, and allowing the dance to lead them:

Leather Dancers

"When my sexuality began to emerge, my spirituality froze in fear, then nearly ran out of the room. But then it noticed other souls dancing gracefully, and realised it was missing their grace. My spirituality wondered if the lack of grace had something to do with rejection of the stranger on the other side of the room, my sexuality.

Timidly, one invited the other to dance. At first, they scarcely looked at each other… they were lousy dancers. Then they cast furtive glances at each other, sometimes angry or resentful, sometimes flirtatious and seductive….Finally they found times when the dance led them, and for brief moments they became perfect dancers, full of grace, true to each other. They danced together as my soul."

He also draws an important parallel between sexuality and spirituality, stating that they are both routes to intimacy in relationships: sexuality builds intimacy in human relationships, spirituality does in our relationship with the Lord. This equivalence thus makes them natural partners.

"Sexuality and spirituality are not opposing forces, as is frequently supposed today. Instead, both draw people into relationship. Sexuality draws us into physical relationships: touching, hugging…… kissing and intercourse. Spirituality draws us into relationships that both incl ude and transcend bodies because it includes and transcends that which is visible……Both our sexual and spiritual powers are holy, and therefore both my be profaned. At their holiest, these powers lead to love in all its many expressions. At their most profane, they may lead to apathy or hate. The integrity of both sexual and spiritual powers is called the soul."

The final observation that struck an enormous personal chord with me, was his statement that when we come out to God, we allow God to come out to us: to enter more fully into our own lives, which is the best defence we can develop against the homophobic bigotry that masquerades freely under the name of religion:

"In prayer, coming out to God as sexual-spiritual beings opens us up, I believe, to God coming out to us in the dance of Substance and Sensuality, spirituality and sexuality. Prayer becomes a place wherein the choreography of the dance of spirituality and sexuality gets worked out. When we allow the Lord of the Dance to lead, sexuality becomes responsible and spirituality becomes responsive."

For more details, and extracts from the introduction, see "Coming out to God".

See also:

Homoerotic Spirituality

Coming Out as Spiritual Experience

Daniel Helminiak: Sex and the Sacred

John McNeill: Sex as God Intended

Michael B Kelly: Seduced by Grace

At The Wild Reed:

Making Love, Giving Life

Song of Songs - The Bible's Gay Love Poem

Thursday 22 October 2009

Sweasey, P: From Queer to Eternity: Spirituality in the Lives of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual People.

Diane Pub Co, 1997

239 pages

Multi-faith, Lesbian and gay, Spirituality

Asks why any self-respecting queer would want to have anything to do with spirituality. Answers come from a diverse collection of homosexuals, including Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Neo-Pagans and New-Agers, as well as queers who seek spirituality through drugs, nature, massage, dance, art, and sex. Contributions from 60 religious teachers that address: Do gays have a different perspective on life's mysteries, ecstasies and meaning? Can queerness be a spiritual advantage? What are the connections between sex and spirituality? What implications do spiritual beliefs have for politics, identity, and sexual behavior. Challenges social, religious and sexual orthodoxies.

O’Keefe, T; Fox, K: Trans People in Love

Routledge, 2008

275 pages

 

Trans People in Love is an illuminating resource for members of the trans community and their partners and families; gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and intersex people; sexologists; sex therapists; counsellors; psychologists; psychotherapists; social workers; psychiatrists; medical doctors; educators; students; and couples and family therapists. Trans People in Love provides a forum for the experience of being in love and in relationships with significant others for members of the trans community. This honest and respectful volume tells clinicians, scholars,and trans people themselves of the beauty and complexity that trans identity brings to a romantic relationship, what skills and mindsets are needed to forge positive relationships, and demonstrates the reality that trans people in all stages of transition can create stable and loving relationships that are both physically and emotionally fulfilling.

ROGERS, J: Jesus, the Bible and Homosexuality

Westminster John Knox Press, 2009

208 pages

Christian, Gay and lesbian, Scripture

In this revised and expanded best seller, Rogers argues for equal rights in both the church and society for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered people. He describes how he moved away from opposition to that support, charts the churchżs history of using biblical passages to oppress marginalized groups, argues for a Christ-centered reading of Scripture, debunks stereotypes about gays and lesbians, and explores texts used most frequently against homosexuals and gay ordination.In this newly revised edition, he maps the recent progress of major U.S. denominations toward full equality for LGBT persons, adds a new chapter that examines how Scripture is best interpreted by Jesus’ redemptive life and ministry, and updates his own efforts and experiences. The book also includes a guide for group study or personal reflection.




Garner, Abigail: Families Like Mine

Children of gay Parents Tell It Like it Is

What is it really like to grow up with gay parents?

Abigail Garner was five years old when her mother and father divorced and her dad came out as gay. Growing up immersed in gay culture, she now calls herself a "culturally queer" heterosexual woman. As a child, she often found herself in the middle of the political and moral debates surrounding lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) parenting. At the age of twenty-two, she began to speak publicly about her family and has since become a nationally recognized advocate for the estimated 10 million children growing up with LGBT parents. The creator of FamiliesLikeMine.com, Garner has written a deeply personal and much-needed book about gay parenting, from the seldom-heard perspective of grown children raised in these families.

Based on eight years of activism, combined with interviews with more than fifty sons and daughters, Families Like Mine debunks the anti-gay myth that these children grow up damaged and confused. At the same time, Garner's book refutes the popular pro-gay sentiment that these children turn out "just like everyone else." In addition to the typical stresses of growing up, the unique pressures these children face are not due to their parents' sexuality, but rather to homophobia and prejudice. Using a rich blend of journalism and memoir, Garner offers empathetic yet unapologetic opinions about the gifts and challenges of being raised in families that are often labeled "controversial."

As more LGBT people are pursuing parenthood and as the visibility of gay parenting is rapidly increasing, many of the questions about these families focus on the "best interests" of their children. Eloquent and sophisticated, Families Like Mine addresses these questions, providing an invaluable insider's perspective for LGBT parents, their families, and their allies.





Compellingly written…this should quickly become a mainstay resource for many family service agencies and public libraries serving LGBT patrons – American Library Association

Many people will find this a helpful book; its all-encompassing approach should draw in not only children of LGBT parents, but also friends and family, teachers, therapists and clergy who work with them. –Publishers Weekly

Children of gay parents shoot from the hip in Abigail Garner’s indispensible Families Like Mine. – Vanity Fair

Families Like Mine [is] a sort of Feminine Mystique about the children of gay parents, articulating their pride and their struggles with homophobia but also the grievances they have with their families - NY Times Magazine

Smart and impassioned…This is the new essential reading for LGBT families - Advocate

Garner offers humorous and often poignant insights not only into the joys and complexities of gay families, but the hardships the children in particular endure because of social resistance to their parents’ union- Publishers Weekly

Wednesday 21 October 2009

Loughlin (ed):QUEER THEOLOGY:

RETHINKING THE WESTERN BODY
Blackwell Pub, 2007

351 pages

Queer theology;

Contributors: James Alison, Tina Beattie, Daniel Boyarin, Virginia Burrus, Gavin D’Costa, Paul Fletcher, Christopher Hinkle, Amy Hollywood, Grace M. Jantzen, Mark D. Jordan, Gerard Loughlin, David Matzko McCarthy, Rachel Muers, Catherine Pickstock, Eugene F. Rogers Jr, Kathy Rudy, Jane Shaw, Elizabeth Stuart, Graham Ward, Linda Woodhead

“Well researched and passionately argued, this important collection of essays makes an original contribution to queer theology and to the debate about theology and sexuality in the 21st century.” Marcella Maria Althaus-Reid, University of Edinburgh

“Several elements combine to make this collection the most impressive outing yet for queer theology: the intellectual stature of so many of its contributors; the principled threading of theoretical rigor with an activist ethos that characterizes so much of its contents; and the panoramic historical sweep of the project as a whole. This volume is essential reading for all theologians and not just queer ones; for, as its editor rightly notes, theology has always been a much queerer enterprise than most of us have recognized.” Stephen D. Moore, Drew University

“Queer Theology makes an important contribution to public debate about Christianity and sex. A remarkable collection of specially commissioned essays by some of the brightest and best of Anglo-American scholars Edited by one of the leading theologians working at the interface between religion and contemporary culture Reconceptualizes the body and its desires Enlarges the meaningfulness of Christian sexuality for the good of the Church Proposes that bodies are the mobile products of changing discourses and regimes of power.”




Contents:

  • Subjectivity and Belief
  • Following the Still Small Voice
  • Sacramental Flesh
  • There Is No Sexual Difference
  • Sex and Social Reproduction
  • Eros and Emergence
  • Omphalos
  • Textual Reasoning and the Jewish
  • Hans Urs von Balthasar
  • Reformed and Enlightened Church
  • Sex and Secularization
  • A Queer Language of Life
  • Queer Trinity
  • Queen of Heaven

WEAKLAND: Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church

Memoirs of a Catholic Archbishop
Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing, 2009

385 pages

“For many people, the name of Archbishop Rembert Weakland brings to mind only connotations of scandal ż the titillating tale of a prominent priest disgraced. But that whiff of dishonor barely begins to tell the whole story.In these pages Archbishop Weakland recounts his life from his childhood in rural Pennsylvania to his retirement from the archbishopric in 2002 at the age of 75, all in the context of the Church that he long served. Weakland takes readers with him to Rome, where he discovered the splendor of a whole new intellectual world, and then to New York for his extensive musical study at Julliard and Columbia University. From his early days in the priesthood to his struggles with pontiffs, Weakland details how he learned to become a leader and minister to his people and how his famously liberal beliefs affected his ministry. While he presents an honest account of the scandal he is so often recognized for, the complete picture beyond rumor and accusation may come as a surprise to many readers.Throughout his book Weakland describes with poignant honesty his psychological, spiritual, and sexual growth. Evocative and inspiring, A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church tells the story of a life fully lived.”



MARIN, A: Love is an Orientation

[Love Is an Orientation] is a book that will put most of you into an immediate struggle. You are going to read what Marin says about the situation between Evangelicals and the Gay community with intense appreciation, but part of your ingrained evangelical training will be talking to you the whole time, telling you to stop thinking about anything other than the abomination of Gay sex and the verses that apply. You’ll want to shut it and you’ll want to keep reading. You’ll know you need this and you aren’t hearing it anywhere else, but part of you will say you’re slipping into squishy, emerging liberalism.
You aren’t. You are applying the Gospel.

Internet Monk